Chimps and Poison Ivy
by drumer girl
Summary: some things should definitely be banned from the face of the earth, like chimps, poison ivy, and certainly the sexy James Potter who i can't seem to take my eye's off of....
1. obsession

Dear diary:

You know, some things should be locked up. Banned, forgotten, just plain someplace else. For instance- chimps and poison ivy. Chimps are bloody annoying and are no use to anyone. And poison ivy is self explanatory. Well, the one thing that should be locked up (besides evil chimps and that awful plant that make's you look like a hippopotamus with a butt rash) is James Potter. It should be a crime the way he can just sit there lounging around and look so damn sexy! I mean how can I possible get any work done?

He has this thing where he can look comfortable and sprawled out yet still be sitting in a chair doing homework. Is that even possible? He kinda leans back and slouches, with one arm over the back of the chair while the other writes. He has his shirt un tucked and half of it undone so it shows his bare chest, and his tie is loose and hanging to the side. How can anyone do anything with that man sitting there in front of the fire? You'd think that everyone would just stare, amazed at his ability to look so...cool.

ok; now I'm rambling. I really should try and concentrate on studying for transfiguration, but I think I'd much rather study James instead. I can hardly stand it, just sitting here so far away from him. My fingers are practically aching to run through his messy black hair. I used to hate the way he'd ruffle it up, but now I'm the one that wants to do the ruffling. I sound like a horrible slut don't I? Well at the moment I don't really care. I can almost feel his warm skin against mine; it's intoxicating just to think about it.

James and I have always had this thing. It's actually real hard to explain it. We seem to be constantly flirting with each other; well that's what my friends say at least. I don't think I do it on purpose. It's just so hard to…not act like that around him. We kissed once actually. It was bloody amazing, but at the time I was still convinced I hated him, so I figured it didn't count. Even when we were at each other's throats we always had this kind of heated passion.

He was, and still is, the only one who can get the best of me in an argument. And as much as I hate to admit it; that makes him even more bloody sexy than he already is. He has this fire in his eyes, and that trademark smirk that just drives me up the wall. And one of the worst things, or one of the best things, (I'm not completely sure yet) is that he knows just how to make me go crazy with lust. He loves to toy with me; draw me closer and then walk away. But the best thing about knowing him so well is that I'm capable of doing just what he does to me. It's so hard to just walk away and not push him into a secluded corner, but I know that if I wait, it makes him want me even more. And it will definitely be worth it in the long run.

Gosh dang it he caught me starring. There he goes; giving me that tantalizing smirk of his. I know he can see the lust in my eyes. He was always able to read me like that. I can hardly stand it. It's getting really hot in here. I have got to get out side. Gosh I don't know what's wrong with me. For the past couple weeks I haven't been able to concentrate at all during class or when I'm doing homework. I know it's all James fault. I think that he looks sexy on purpose just so that I won't be able to concentrate. I think that I'll go flying for a while. The sun will set in about an hour. The perfect time for flying.

Always,

The infatuated with sexy James Potter Lily


	2. A Bucketfull of Sledgehammers

AN: hey! this was a fun chapter to write :) yes; it is completly random and way unreal but keep in mind that i am writing this at like 1:00 in the morning:) enjoy!

Chimps and Poisen Ivy #2- A bucketfull of Sledgehammers

OH MI GOSH! WHAT THE FRICKIN HECK? Ok; I was coming back from being outside when peeves flies out of a tapestry right at me. (It had gotten pretty late cause I had ended up watching the stars after getting tired of riding my broom.) so he flies out right in front of me and of course I shriek because I had no clue he was there! And of course it is just my luck that that he was carrying this huge bucket of water to dump on one of the teachers. I knew that I should have stayed in the common room watching James! Humph and apparently I scared him just as much as he scared me because he flew up about 5 feet and accidentally over turned the bucket right on me. Well, by that time I had pretty much figured that if I didn't start running, I would definitely be caught. But I was so mad at him for getting me soaking wet that I lost just about all the common sense that I had once possessed. And because I have beautiful bright red locks, I think that it's safe to assume that most of the time my temper matches my hair.

So anywho, I start screaming at peeves (the usual of course; such as: GET BACK HERE PEEVES! I AM SO GONA BLOODY KILL YOU! Well, you know the drill) and of course he starts the usual also. (STUDENT OUT OF BED! STUDENT OUT OF BED!) While speeding down the corridor and around the corner, out of sight. So while I'm standing there, huffing and puffing from screaming so loudly, I come to my senses and dart of in the opposite direction. (The room of requirement was right in the next corridor.) So I'm home free right? WRONG!

Suddenly, my entire soaking wet body is pitched to the side and pushed into a broom closet by the unknown. And I'm not kidding when I say the unknown; there was no one there! And then while I'm lying on this dirty broom closet floor, (next to a bunch of mops no less!) this humungous, REALLY heavy object lands right on top of me. (I know; it's really not my day is it?)

Well; at first I thought that this really heavy object might be, like a bucket full of sledgehammers or something (hey; it could happen!) but then I notice that this bucket full of sledgehammers is _breathing_. Ok; not a good sign! So of course I scream as loudly as I could. (You would have too!) But then this HAND flies out of nowhere and clamps over my mouth A HAND! Hands do not just come out of nowhere! So now, not only are my lungs being squished by a breathing bucket full of sledgehammers, but my mouth is squished shut by a mobile hand. And of course by now I am practically hyperventilating (don't laugh!) and it is not smart to hyperventilate when you can only breath through your nose! Even though I love my nose and it is perfect in size and proportion, sometimes you just wish that you had a big nose! Now was one of those times!

Oh darn. I accidentally knocked over my candle and it appears to have landed on Arebella's bed. I better go salvage it before she catches fire. I promise I'll finish the story tomorrow though!

Always,

The large nose wannabee Lily Evans


	3. An Invisible Boy

AN: thanx for all the encouregment guys! this is way longer than i expected it to be...enjoy:)

Chimps and Poisen Ivy #3-An Invisible Boy

Hello dearest diary! Yes; I am in a considerable better mood than I was last night, considering that I just had an excellent breakfast with the hot James Potter! But I'll get to that later. Arebella incidentally did not catch fire, much to my glee. She might seem sweet and innocence on the outside, but you do not want to be on the receiving end of her temper. I guess that's why we're so close- she's just like me! So luckily, I was not hexed into oblivion, but was too tired to continue on with my daring tail of wands and wizards after I had rescued my candle form her blankets. Ok; so it wasn't such a daring tail, but I really was tired! Anywho, now that I am cozied up by the fire (it's Saturday; thank Merlin!) I can continue on.

So I'm laying there, with a hand clamped over my mouth, a bucket full of sledgehammers resting on me, and I'm practically hyperventilating, when the unknown bucket of sledgehammers reveals himself. Yes; himself. Since I have such wonderful karma (being sarcastic!) the hot James Potter flings off an invisibility cloak and flings it back over both of us, so that not only am I lying on a dusty broom closet floor, I am lying on it wrapped in a cloak with James Potter. Normally, I would have been crazy with giddiness in any other circumstance, but hello! I am not exactly a picturesque beauty here! I'm soaking wet, my hair plastered to my head, my face bright red because of anger and lack of oxygen, and I probably stunk really bad from riding on a broom for and hour and a half. Not really my ideal way to be seen by the sexy James Potter; if you know what I mean. But, even though my circumstance was not ideal, boy was I glad that he was there! Barley 2 seconds after James flung his cloak over the both of us; we hear scratching on the door. Yes; I said scratching. Scratching is not a good sign! When you hear scratching; you run; for there is normally a vicious, sneak of a cat on the other side of the door that it is scratching on.

As much as I like to think that I was put into griffindoor for my bravery, it's just not likely. So I scrunch myself as close as possible to James, trying to make sure that the cloak is completely covering me. James, much to my glee, was also breathing rather hard (hey, I didn't want to seem like a scaredy cat or anything!) and leans even farther on top of me so as to cover himself completely with the cloak. (Now that I knew that it was him, I really didn't mind all the extra weight!) And luckily, right after we had finally figured out how to situate ourselves properly, (James ended up practically scrunched up in a weird shaped ball, incidentally, directly on top of me.) the door flings open and there stood filch. Not only does he have the beauty of a hag, he stinks just as bad as a skunk! Really; hasn't he ever heard of a bathtub?

Evan though I knew that we were covered by an invisibility cloak, it was still a rather surprising thing, having an enemy look right through you as if you were not even there. I felt James tighten his grip on me, almost protectively. Again; in light of the circumstance, I could not help but grin broadly.

Finally, after starring at us, (and not seeing a thing) for almost 30 seconds, Filch slammed the door and ran off. I was sure that I could hear him muttering to his cat. It sounded frighteningly like "don't worry precious…we'll find them eventually." I could almost see him grin manically through the tone of his voice. It was rather freaky….

But anyway, back to me! We waited for at least 5 minutes before James spoke. "Ok; I think it's safe now." He flung the cloak off both of us and got off of me, (to my disappointment) but he did not stand. He only sat next to me, rather close to me, I might add. So close in fact, that I could go so far as to say he was pinning my arm to my side. But of course, it didn't bother me a bit! So instead of saying anything, I moved my arm from being pinned to my side to resting around James' shoulder. And to my luck, he didn't move it, nor did he say anything about it! But as soon as I did it I realized that he was starring down at a map with intense concentration. But when he noticed me starring, he whipped it closed and almost blushed, standing suddenly, making me tip to the side. Being the gentleman he is, he helped me to my feet, but that didn't stop me from asking questions.

"What was that James? It looked like a map of Hogwarts…..but where did you get it?"

"I'm real sorry Lils, but I can't tell you. It's a marauder rule." I smiled and raised an eyebrow, pleased that he had given me an opening as to make conversation, and almost ecstatic that he had not simply lied to me, but had given me the truth.

"A marauder rule eh? What kind of rule?" I continued to smile at him. He smiled back and rubbed the back of his neck, as though unsure of what to say. Wait! Did I just say that? James Potter unsure of what to say? Impossible! I like this effect I'm having on him! But anyway…..

"Well, we're not allowed to take my cloak-" he held up his invisibility cloak "without telling the others that we're taking it. That's why I had to push you into a closet instead of just wrapping it around you from behind. I didn't have enough time left after I had told the others. I saw on the map that Filch was hot on your tail, you see. And thought that it wouldn't do to have you in detention; seeing as you haven't had one yet. Wouldn't want you to break your clean streak."

This might have sounded rude, but considering he was grinning broadly at me, I took no offense. And plus; he had been thinking about me and my welfare hadn't he? That definitely should earn him some brownie points!

"So…about this map? What's the rule? Not allowed to reveal anything it shows to anyone?"

"Actually; no. we're not allowed to show the girl that we are currently tempted to show, no matter how beautiful she is." Wow, I definitely hadn't expected that! I get shivers down my spine just thinking about it!

"Really?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Unconsciously I moved towards him.

"Ya, we can't just go around telling everyone our secrets; especially women who are smarter than we are. Wouldn't want them to use it against us and all." He laughed jokingly.

I couldn't help it. I mean, he was already so close, and his hair just looked so touchable! I reached up and ran my manicured hand through his almost shaggy black hair, gently tugging it. He closed his eyes and tipped his head slightly in the direction my hand was going. It came to rest on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and starred into my own, practically radiating heat. Ok; you can't blame me on this one- it was entirely his fault! He leaned in close to me, so close that our noses brushed. "Lily" he whispered hoarsely. I didn't need any more encouragement. I closed the remaining space between us and captured his lips with mine, pushing him backward a tiny bit so that he was pressed between me and the wall. Let me tell you; that were the best snog that I have ever had in my entire career of snogging! He fought for control of the kiss, but wasn't harsh like some other guys are. He was slow and gentle, easing me into it, but also rough enough to make me go crazy. I'm telling you, I have never felt anything like it before.

After at least 5 minutes of this, he pulled back slightly, to my dismay. "We shouldn't say here, in case Filch comes back." "You're right" I replied, and untangled myself from him. I attempted to straighten my appearance, but it was all in vain, considering I was still sopping wet. James watched me, amused. "A drying spell might help Lils" he said with a chuckle. I looked up in embarrassment. "I….don't have my wand with me..." he looked down right hysterical at this, but refrained from actually laughing and cast the drying spell not only on me, but on himself as well, as I had gotten him almost as wet as I was.

We continued our playful banter on throughout the hallways, even though we were under the cloak. Slowly we made our way through the castle to the kitchens, which James was delighted to hear that I already knew where they were. Soon after sitting down and getting some cookies and hot chocolate, we were deep in conversation about just how much I knew. He seemed amazed that I did so much sneaking around; and I was happy to tell him that just because I seemed a little innocent didn't mean that I actually was.

"Well, I had kinda figured that out, after that kiss…" he smirked at me as I blushed scarlet. "Well enough about me! What about you? The only think I know is that you're the only person who can best me in an argument and that you're an awesome quiditch captain….among a few other things…" it was his turn to blush, and I grinned triumphantly, proud of myself for making The James Potter turn red.

"Well, I do do well in school, even though It may seem like I never study. My parents aren't exactly fans of 'slackers' as they call them. If I do a good job in school, they don't really care how much I get in trouble, so it's really rather worth the extra effort." I grinned, surprised by this different side of him.

"You know James, as popular as you are, I never would have expected this kind of thing from you."

"Well, I'm all up for surprising a few people here and there!" we both grinned. "But seriously, I love to joke and hoarse around; but grades really are important to me; even if that does seem a little weird. I want to become an auroror; you can't slack off and get into that." I nodded my head in agreement; impressed by his maturity.

"I want to become a mediwitch" I said. "Really?" I nodded. "That suits you Lils" I smiled wide. "Thanks James"

We lost track of the time and ended up talking till around 1:00. I'm still amazed at how easy he is to talk to. I never would have guessed. Someone that hot shouldn't be allowed to have a brain that great! It's just too unreal! But anyway, we eventually made our way back up to the common room, still laughing at each other and having a grand time.

When we were walking toward our separate staircases, I realized that I had forgotten something.

"James; wait." I ran up to him where he was a couple steps up his stairs. I then wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him square on the lips, surprising him to say the least. "Thanks for helping me keep my record clean. Meet me tomorrow for breakfast?" he just nodded and stared at me. I then walked away slowly, knowing that his eyes were still upon me. When I reached the top of my own staircase, I called down to him. "Night James." And quietly crept into my dorm.

It's almost lunch, so I'll write more later.

Always,

The already practically in love Lily Evans.

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you guys keep me writing, so if you want more review:)


	4. Completly in Denial

A/N- hey! this chapter is really short, but i'll update soon with a either a longer chapter, or a chapter of a different story. sound good? lol remember to review! oh-and enjoy it too :-)

Completly In Denial

La de Da de Da! Oh yes I'm sorry. Well, sigh I couldn't have had a better day! I haven't been this happy in a long time! And I am proud to say that, not only my friends, but also the entire female Hogwarts population are insanely jealous of my new relationship with James! squeal I know that we used to fight some, (well, some is an understatement,) but we've been on good terms ever since the 'incident' (long story) in the middle of 5th year, and I really don't know why everyone was so surprised that I sat with the marauders a whole of 2 meals today. I suppose that it was a little sudden, but people are making it out to be that James and I were mortal enemies or something. Whatever. Like it's really there business anyway! humph but now I'm working myself into a mood so I'll stop talking about it. To my surprise and enjoyment, I was immediately included in the conversation when I sat next to James and Sirius this morning and lunch. It seems that James filled them in and told them to be nice. I was very proud of myself, Sirius only made one wise crack, and I expertly encountered it. here; it's so good I have to write it down. I even surprised myself! Ok-here's the scoop:

"Hey Lils! Sleep well?" James asked as I sat down beside him.

"As good as can be expected I guess." I yawned and leaned my head on his shoulder (yes I leaned on him! Except it!) I am, to say the least, not a morning person. The only reason I had made any effort to even get up was because I knew that James would be there.

He just smiled at me and stroked my hair once insert large squeal! and went about preparing toast. I eventually opened my eyes and started to nibble at a piece of bacon.

"why, you two look awfully cozy this morning! What were you up to last night that made you both so tired? I noticed that Prongs didn't get in till at least one o' clock." Sirius said with a knowing look in his eye. James glared at him.

"how was the view of the moon from the astronomy tower? I heard that it was quite lovely….." ok; now he was going to far! "Shut it Black, or I'll tell Bellatrix that it was YOU who put a wad of gum in her hair last year." Sirius visibly paled. No one knew that it was Sirius who had managed to wrap almost her entire head in gum while she was sleeping. Bellatrix had had to go around bald for a day while the hair re-growth potion had kicked in. it was really hilarious. Luckily; Sirius had never been discovered.

"O o ok lily." he stuttered, and left the table.

But that's not all! Definitely not! James and I stayed up late again, this time talking by the fire. I'm starting to see him in a different light. I know it's really fast….but now I see him as the kind of guy that's more than just a snogging partner, more that someone you just stare at from across the common room. I can see myself growing old with him, starting a family with him. And the scariest thing about that, is that I really _like_ the idea of marrying him. Me? Marriage? What am I saying? No…..not possible. I'm way to restless to want to settle down! but….well, maybe.

But anywho, he kissed me goodnight! And since it's already 1:00, I better blow out the candle and sleep…..goodnight!

Luv,

The completely in denial Lily Evans


	5. In Which We Trip

due to popular demand; here is a new chapter! hope everyone likes it! and i'll try to keep adding chapters :) i promise! luv you guys!

drumr girl

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Chapter 5

Or in which we trip.

Transfiguration is a dog, man! And so is that evil hag that teaches it. Wait. Hold up. Does anyone understand that phrase? I know I don't! Are they criticizing dongs? Now that's just uncalled for! But anyway…back to that evil hag McGonagall.

I got a T on my transfiguration test today. (Try saying that 5 times fast!) A T! **FOR TROLL!** What is up with that? I don't get T's! It just doesn't happen!

McGonagall says that I need to find a tutor. A TUTOR! Lily Evens does NOT need tutors! SHE is the one doing the tutoring!

Ok. I'm better now. But it seriously does suck. Like; a lot. Now I have to find someone to tutor me. Bla. Well I should probably go get started on that. What am I supposed to do? Post a flyer!

LOOKING FOR TRANSFIGURATION TUTOR.

Lily Evans.

You might as well put one of those big flashing signs over my head!

Ha. Ya right. Maybe I should just walk through the halls and scream bloody murder. The first person who comes to help me gets the position. Hey; I kind of like that idea! Be back in a bit!

Back again.

Wow. Just wow. Never; I mean never; scream bloody murder unless you are being raped by Voldie himself. I am now lying in bed, embarrassed to the core, and VERY sore. From a fall down the stairs. I know. It's bad.

Due to my bad luck, guess who answered my screams? Yup. James. And of course I realized what a bad idea that was AFTER the hot guy comes to rescue me! Why didn't someone STOP me?

"What? What's happened?" James comes up with his wand brandished. I look bored but still amazed by his hotness.

I sigh. "Nothing James."

"But didn't you just scream?"

"Yes. I need a tutor."

"Wait. What?"

"I need a tutor so I screamed"

"You screamed because you need a tutor?"

"No. I screamed because I need to _find_ a tutor."

"Oh. I see." He still looked completely confused. But after about 4 seconds comprehension dawned on his face. Not good!

"Well I have to get on that I guess. Don't want to miss all the good ones." I wanted to get out of their as soon as possible.

"Hold up lily. _You_ need a tutor?" he looked like he was about to explode from trying to keep his laughter in.

"Yes." I said dryly. "In transfiguration."

"Oh" was all he said. "Excuse me for a moment will you Lils?" he then turned around and proceeded to laugh his head off quite silently. At least he didn't laugh to my face.

But by then I was quite mad at both James and myself. More at James though. For being such an insensitive git. And at me for being just a plain idiot. So I then walked as fast as possible without running to the nearest staircase. I needed to escape.

"Lily! Wait!"

I kept walking.

"Lily! Come on! I wasn't laughing _at_ you! I was laughing _with_ you!"

He had somehow jumped in front of me so I had to stop. I put my hands on my hips.

"James." I said warningly. "I wasn't laughing."

"A very minor detail!"

BY then I was more than ready for the conversation to be over. I tried going around him but he did that weird move from side-to-side thing so that I couldn't get past. Finally I snapped. Hey! It's been a very stressful day!

"James; you are getting on my last nerve!" and then I pushed him down the stairs. Yes! I know how bad it sounds! But you should have seen his face! He was so **smug**. If I hadn't been so angry I would have noticed how hot he looked while he was smirking.

Right before he flew backwards he got this horrified "I can't believe you just pushed me down the stairs" look. It was quite amusing. Let me tell you that I felt much better after he gave me that look. does victory dance YES! GIRL POWER! I AM SOOOOO IN CONTROL! dances even crazier ok; so that's no exactly me in control; but come on! Who can say they pushed The Hot James Potter down a flight of stairs?

But anyway; I watched him for a few seconds as he lay there at the bottom before it registered that he might actually be hurt! Ack! What if he broke his arm or his leg or even his head? gasp! what if he couldn't play quiditch this Saturday? I would have a herd of angry quiditch fanatics after me! And an even angrier pack of wild The Hot James Potter Fan Club members chasing me! That's even worse than quiditch fanatics!

So of course I started galloping down the stairs.

"Are you ok? Oh my gosh James! I'm so sorry!"

And, again due to my horrible, awful, obscene, rotten luck, I **tripped** and FLEW over the last 4 steps and landed RIGHT ON TOP of him. How crazy is that? I mean, what are the odds of me landing directly on top of him?

He groaned and I rolled off of him. We were so close that our noses almost touched. shivers

"His lily" he said.

Wow. I'm not sure if he's ever been more beautiful before. But maybe that's the wrong word. Breathtaking. Ya. That's good.

"Miss. evens! Mr. Potter! What on earth is going on here!"

Darn her and her cursed timing! I swear he was just about to kiss me!

We both jumped up and straightened our clothes. (I embarrassingly pulled down my skirt to a more _appropriate_ level.)

And then I let James take the wheel. He was, of course; the expert.

"I was helping lily study for transfiguration."

Why did I let him take the wheel again? I thought he was and EXPERT at excuses!"

"On the floor?" she asked suspiciously.

"No. no of course not. We were practicing on the staircase and we tripped! Ya; we tripped!"

I could have slapped him. Or pushed him down another flight of stairs.

"Well, I'll see you both at dinner then."

Yes! She didn't give us detention! I meant of course James is brilliant and wonderful! Go me for keeping my big mouth shut! I grinned at him. He grinned back.

And the rest, they say, is history. James and I rode of towards the sunset on his valiant steed and we would never have to face the evil hag ever again; while living happily ever after of course.

But really. We walked back to the common room and flirted occasionally. I only tripped once! Oh- And I resisted the urge to accidentally push him down another flight of stairs. (Landing directly on top of him again was almost too tempting!)

Luv,

The girl who pushed The Hot James Potter down a very long flight of stairs.


End file.
